Thursday, November 17, 2011

Buying a Bentley III -- Lucas the Prince of Darkness Shows his Face

Lucas Fuse Replacements
Perhaps it was too good to last.

I now see that my relationship with my Bentley -- which doesn't have a name and I am not sure I should give it one -- is going to be more complex than I had thought, or at least hoped.

I drove it at lunchtime today.  It was purring away perfectly.  The person I was dropping in on was not there.  I had turned the car off, and a minute later I was turning it on again.

Nothing happened.  There was an electrical clicking sound, like a solenoid or something.  But nothing else.  I tried several times.  I even remembered that the car has a switch in the trunk to turn the battery on and off.   I flipped the switch off, then on.   Still nothing.

I had to call the office to ask the long-suffering Shirley to come and get me in my distress and shame.

A few seconds later I tried again and it fired into life.

Ah, the work of Lucas, Prince of Darkness.

From a website devoted to the Prince's achievements:
  • The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
  • Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
  • Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
  • Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
  • The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
  • The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
  • Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
  • Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
  • "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
  • If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
  • A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...
  • Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
  • Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
  • Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
  • Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."
I still love the car.  But I have a feeling it isn't always going to be easy!

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